This is your brain on Speedoo

August 2021
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Thoughts For the Day
Filed under: General
Posted by: @ 11:16 am

I awoke this morning and went to the kitchen for my morning juice.  My loving wife Kate had been shopping, and I found a new Tropicana variety, a blueberry pomegranate concoction boasting 50% less sugar and calories.  My first impression was that the carton seemed smaller than usual.  Sure enough, in our local grocery store, a half gallon is now 59 oz.  Come on Tropicana, how stupid do you think we are?  Answer:  apparently stupid enough to fork over the same amount of money for 5 oz. less juice.

Ah well, life is wonderful, be positive, no big deal.  Tropicana makes the best juice around.  So I poured a glass, eager to wake up my mouth.  BLECHH!  I’ve had better tasting Kool Aid.  My first thought was that this swill was sweetened with some carcinogenic substitute for sugar, thus the “half the sugar, half the calories” moniker.  So I retrieved the carton from the refrigerator and checked out the ingredients.  Filtered water; not too surprising, that’s kind of what it tastes like.  Apple juice concentrate; okay, didn’t they label this Blueberry Pomegranate?  And what’s with the concentrate, Tropicana?  You’re the guys that make that great orange juice, NOT FROM CONCENTRATE (does that come in a 59 oz. container now too?)  Pomegranate juice concentrate, grape juice concentrate, blueberry juice concentrate;  okay, shouldn’t this be called Pomegranate Grape Blueberry juice from concentrate?  But then, who would buy that?  Natural flavors; always a pet peeve with me.  Which flavors are natural?  Malic acid, citric acid, ascorbic acid (vitamin C);  fillers attempting to restore the flavor and nutrition you sucked out when you concentrated these wonderful ingredients?  Trying to make the filtered water taste more like fruit juice?  Then we get to the kicker.  Reb A (Purevia brand);  This is the “all natural stevia sweetener” that makes this juice taste like toilet water.

I don’t want to live forever, folks.  I just want to live well.  Give me sugar!  Also, give me caffeine, fat, calories (we need them to live, you know.)  Stop processing my food so you can take more of my money in return for less value.

But hey, let’s be positive today.  The carton can be recycled somewhere (”visit to see if recyclable in your area”)  the smaller carton uses less packaging than the one we THINK we’re getting, and hey!  I can go to Tropicana’s website, give them all my personal information, enter a 10 digit code from every Tropicana product I buy, and…someday….”Redeem your points for incredible savings…and enjoy!”  Incredible, yes.  But I’m not talking about the savings….

Have a great day.

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